Rubarb the Groaner Drys Out

Why am I doing this? It goes against all my better judgement.  To start with I cannot even bear the word Blog. It is sloppy and ugly. Its contours have all the shapeliness of a half sucked sweet discovered between the cushion covers, although it lacks the fluff.  How many words starting with a BL are nice? Blot, Bloat, Blab, Blast, Blood, Blind, Blister, Bludgeon. Words beginning with SN suffer from a similar problem and this has puzzled me for some time on idle car journeys. Apart from the word Snow I cannot think of any that have pleasant associations. I will spare you the list and allow you to wander over the various cold ailments that start with this unpropitious combination of letters.

Secondly I dont think I have time to write a blog and more importantly I dont think that anyone else has the time or truly the inclination to read it. That said, the idea has now been suggested to me so many times that I have swung beyond teeter point and landed flat on the mat.

Non Resident Legal Alien – Going Hobo in IKEA

As a Legal Alien, indeed according to the IRS I am a fully fledged Non Resident Legal Alien, I doubt Sting even knew that was possible,  I checked out various titles using Legal Alien. As it happens the web is populated with hundreds of other dislocated Legal Aliens airing their personal neurosis online. I am not surprised. I have lived here for nearly six years and if I am not resident here and the UK does not want me and the Dutch never did then I rather think online is the only place left.  Perhaps a lurking anxiety with dwelling prompted the other alternative Suburban Musing but that had gone to a lady who had lengthy and unclear issues about a TV set and her teenage son.

I have no idea if Ink Quillibrium will work but writing does certainly bring me some balance and joy.

Lastly although I can write, well most people can – it is my letters that tend to entertain. Letters aimed at specific persons with quirks and quibbles that I can tap into. I am not at all sure that the same will be possible when addressing an unknown, invisible audience in which case this blog may take on the form of a letter.

If I am taking up this unhealthy pursuit it is in large part due to Ms Barre Dominatrix (Happy Birthday by the way). Should I become a thundering success I will have to recognise BD in my memoirs.

Successful failures of the week:

• Finding myself holding a purple cuddly toy underwater by its throat in an effort to rid it of the internal groaning of a tired battery. It used to play a horrifically annoying ditty and has for 8 years (for which I will give it tribute). Now it just groans. I sunk him deep in the water. His wide embroidered smile wibbled up at me through the water. And guess what, he still groans.
• Tonight a vast amount of women meet to discuss the school Winter Social – my success there is likely to be very limited as I have been bowling once as a 13 yr old and did not like the shoes or the smell.